World Cup Widow’s Super Sexy Samba Salad

It's that time of the year when men all over the world go to the fridge, grab six packs of beer and sit on their fat asses for a month watching other men kick stupid balls around a pitch half way across the world. Now I realise not all men are like this and that some women like the beautiful game too but this is a month where many relationships will be tested. With that in mind I decided to create a seriously kick ass summer salad that non football lovers can make instead. It's packed full of good stuff, light and tasty which means you can have it with a glass of wine and go find a few of the guys out and about not watching football who will give you the attention you deserve.

Instructions

Step 1

The ingredients are super simple to find bar perhaps the pomegranate but it is well worth looking for because it adds that magical crunch.

Step 2

Peel the carrots. Not exactly the most challenging thing you are ever going to have to undertake. If you are stuck at this stage maybe give up and go back in and watch the football!

Step 3

Once the bastards are peel get rid of the outside bits. Then simply keep peeling. You are looking for big long fuck off strips. Lots of them. The more the better.

Step 4

Grab the green beans out. Give them a wash cause you wouldn't know what those dirty bastard farmers are at these days with their beans.

Step 5

Slice them up nice and thin. We are going to be cooking these so aim for nice even sized pieces.

Step 6

I was lucky (And lazy) enough to have pre cubed pieces of bacon. They'll work perfectly for this. Thats all the prep ready.

Step 7

Fry up the bacon.

Step 8

Once the bacon has been cooking for a couple of minutes fuck in the beans. Nice medium heat here and again this is not rocket science.

Step 9

Chop the ends off the salad.

Step 10

Just pull away the leaves. No need for a knife.

Step 11

When the bacon is crispy fuck in the carrots.

Step 12

Keep tossing them around with a pair of thongs. They will only take about a minute to soften up because they are so thin.

Step 13

Pull all that off the heat and add in some chopped parsley.

Step 14

Thats your cooked stuff ready. Just let it all cool down. Don't want it hot going on the lovely salad.

Step 15

Cut the pomegranate in half and pick out the seeds. Bit of a shitty job (easier in a bowl of water BTW).

Step 16

Lash a good whack of feta into the bowl with the pomegranate

Step 17

Squeeze in the juice of the lemon. Because this salad is so fucking tasty no need for any sort of a big heavy dressing or any of that shit.

Step 18

Plate it all up by lashing a few leaves on a plate.

Step 19

Fuck on the cooked mix. Pile it up nice and high. All about presentation

Step 20

Spoon on the feta and pomegranate mix.

Step 21

The whole thing is so colourful and tasty you just won't believe it! Feck that stupid football...Samba salad good to go! BOOM

Now we've made over 120 recipes on this site and I can safely say this is one of the most kick ass things I've ever eaten. Salads are meant to taste like shit and be boring but every single mouthful of this was sheer bliss. Forget about the stupid fucking football, pour yourself a large glass of crisp white wine and get this salad on the go. You'll love it. Promise.